I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
