oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm passing your future prison.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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