So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
