I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
