So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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