Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
