Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
