We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
