we're blogging at a bar
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
