She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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