I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you will always have a special place in my vag
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
