An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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