no, he came in my armpit
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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