If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
