omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
