My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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