i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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