Soap is not a condiment
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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