I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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