I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
