you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
