if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
