Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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