know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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