Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
