i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
