Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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