Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
