i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
