Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
