If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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