I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
