a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
