Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
