There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
