Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
