SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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