i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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