Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
