omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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