oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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