It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
