Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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