I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
