explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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