FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
