So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
