we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
