omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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