I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
